Goat Blatantly Ignores Canons of Acceptable Behavior, Stands on Couch
Waring, TX - I would like to preface this story by reminding you (the readers) that I do not make up anything you read here at The Whimsical World. I simply am not that creative. All of these stories are completely true. I say that because you will be tempted to believe otherwise after reading the following account of something that happened to me just today.
As many of you have read, The Funny Farm, Inc., now consists of two dogs, a cat, and a goat. Understandably, a certain element of harmony must exist for all of these various species to live together without killing each other (not unlike the famed Playboy Mansion). The residents of The Funny Farm have been impressive in their diligence over the last week as they have adapted to both a new cat named Aldo Leopold and goat named Willamina.
Earlier this very evening I made my evening rounds around the farm (all .4 acres of it) to make sure all were present and accounted for. If any of you have followed the Whimsical World, you know about my disastrous turn at raising chickens. (Four of them ran away and one was murdered in cold blood in my driveway.) We are keen on irony here at The Whimsical World and it did not go unnoticed when the chickens of one M.E. ("The West Side Slayer") started laying their eggs in my laundry shed, of all places, at the conclusion of the miserable Co-op affair.
I was left, after all that, with an empty chicken coop, which is where I found Willamina the Goat resting comfortably at day's end. Again, irony rears its ugly head. Truly, this soap opera has more twists than a cheap British murder mystery. (It's a good thing I don't have a butler.)
Anyway...where was I? Ah, yes. Willamina, having been found in the coop, bolted out the door because of her still ancy nature around dogs. I did not hold this against her citing that dogs and goats have been mortal enemies for thousands of years before domestication. (I think.) Willamina bolted around toward the front of the house and disappeared out of sight. It was at this moment I remembered one very critical element I had forgotten about before departing on my rounds.
I had left the front door open. Wide open.
I made it around the corner just in time to see the hind end of Willamina disappear into the house. I froze and began going over scenarios in my head. This goat, much like Round Two of the Chicken Cooperative, was spastic and would blindly bowl something over before going around it. Not wanting to corner the goat (bad idea) I climbed in my bedroom window and flanked the goat near the bathroom. At this point she pinballed helter skelter into my office which contained a couch...which she stood on.
Are you getting all this? Lord, I hope so. Let me recap: a goat is standing on my couch in my house. This is the point at which you start to question your sanity and you wonder how in the world you ended up at this point. It is the same thought a skydiver has when their parachute won't open. Bear in mind the couch out in my office was free, given by a neighbor. In fact, all my couches (3) were free, so the fact that the goat was standing on the couch didn't worry me. What worried me was the $400 laptop on the nearby desk, the $1000 keyboard just down the hall, and the countless number of breakable things lining the walls of the office. I snuck around to a backdoor where I managed to spook the goat, at which point it did two laps around the kitchen table, one lap around my pot bellied stove and then out the front door, right by the other members of The Funny Farm who were watching, to my surprise, with extreme apathy.
The fallout from this event cannot be fully determined just yet. Willamina has now seen the inside of my home and like Aldo Leopold, might decide that she likes it. Which by my estimation, were I to acquiesce, would send me with a one way ticket to the real Funny Farm.
That's the story of my life...
As many of you have read, The Funny Farm, Inc., now consists of two dogs, a cat, and a goat. Understandably, a certain element of harmony must exist for all of these various species to live together without killing each other (not unlike the famed Playboy Mansion). The residents of The Funny Farm have been impressive in their diligence over the last week as they have adapted to both a new cat named Aldo Leopold and goat named Willamina.
Earlier this very evening I made my evening rounds around the farm (all .4 acres of it) to make sure all were present and accounted for. If any of you have followed the Whimsical World, you know about my disastrous turn at raising chickens. (Four of them ran away and one was murdered in cold blood in my driveway.) We are keen on irony here at The Whimsical World and it did not go unnoticed when the chickens of one M.E. ("The West Side Slayer") started laying their eggs in my laundry shed, of all places, at the conclusion of the miserable Co-op affair.
I was left, after all that, with an empty chicken coop, which is where I found Willamina the Goat resting comfortably at day's end. Again, irony rears its ugly head. Truly, this soap opera has more twists than a cheap British murder mystery. (It's a good thing I don't have a butler.)
Anyway...where was I? Ah, yes. Willamina, having been found in the coop, bolted out the door because of her still ancy nature around dogs. I did not hold this against her citing that dogs and goats have been mortal enemies for thousands of years before domestication. (I think.) Willamina bolted around toward the front of the house and disappeared out of sight. It was at this moment I remembered one very critical element I had forgotten about before departing on my rounds.
I had left the front door open. Wide open.
I made it around the corner just in time to see the hind end of Willamina disappear into the house. I froze and began going over scenarios in my head. This goat, much like Round Two of the Chicken Cooperative, was spastic and would blindly bowl something over before going around it. Not wanting to corner the goat (bad idea) I climbed in my bedroom window and flanked the goat near the bathroom. At this point she pinballed helter skelter into my office which contained a couch...which she stood on.
Are you getting all this? Lord, I hope so. Let me recap: a goat is standing on my couch in my house. This is the point at which you start to question your sanity and you wonder how in the world you ended up at this point. It is the same thought a skydiver has when their parachute won't open. Bear in mind the couch out in my office was free, given by a neighbor. In fact, all my couches (3) were free, so the fact that the goat was standing on the couch didn't worry me. What worried me was the $400 laptop on the nearby desk, the $1000 keyboard just down the hall, and the countless number of breakable things lining the walls of the office. I snuck around to a backdoor where I managed to spook the goat, at which point it did two laps around the kitchen table, one lap around my pot bellied stove and then out the front door, right by the other members of The Funny Farm who were watching, to my surprise, with extreme apathy.
The fallout from this event cannot be fully determined just yet. Willamina has now seen the inside of my home and like Aldo Leopold, might decide that she likes it. Which by my estimation, were I to acquiesce, would send me with a one way ticket to the real Funny Farm.
That's the story of my life...
posted by Winston A. Hall at 10:33 PM
1 Comments:
Interesting website with a lot of resources and detailed explanations.
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