A Man You Must Meet Before You Die
Waring, Texas - Humans are peculiar creatures. I mean, really. We are all very bizarre. Which beckons the question, if we are all so weird, then when we meet someone who we think is weird, is he actually normal?
Every so often in life, you come across an individual who surpasses all expectations every time you talk to him. And by surpasses all expectations I mean in everything, across the board.
Enter M.E. Montgomerey, my neighbor across the street here in Waring. Sometimes a name says it all. This is not one of those cases. Just this morning, prompted by sounds of drills and banging and an assortment of other noises, I walked across the street to see what exactly this man was working on. As it turns out, he was constructing some sort of homemade wireless internet tower with three men I’ve never met before. Imagine Kramer from Seinfeld only dangerously intelligent.
The following is a list of several things you should know about M.E. Montgomery:
-He has a plan for bringing about the demise of the entire Democratic Party before the 2008 Presidential Election. He claims it will only take one phone call.
-He names his chickens adjectives so that their names are easier to remember.
-He lives in the old Waring Train Depot, which he converted into a dilapidating old Train Depot.
-He once got kicked in the face by a deer.
-He is known in South Padre Island, Texas as “The Man Who Whipped Wendell”
-He has everything. He once told me: “Whatever you need, I have one…maybe two.”
-He smoked a lot of pot when younger “in a stairwell in New York City.”
-He learns five new words every day and writes them all in a notebook. Several days ago he taught me the word “motte.”
-He once helped construct the bathroom in the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
-He is in the Guiness Book of World Records for the Millerpede, a sand structure over 10,000 feet long that he and his best friend Amazing Walter organized the construction of.
-He claims to be able to track down anything in the world in three phone calls or less
-He is listed in the phone book under “Wheebie” the name of his deceased cat, a masochistic creature who derived pleasure from being whalloped with a fly swatter
All this being said, please understand I have not even scratched the surface with this guy. There is much much more to come. My next M.E. Montgomery installment will be about his life as a professional sand castle builder with Amazing Walter.
Until then, that’s the story of my life…
Every so often in life, you come across an individual who surpasses all expectations every time you talk to him. And by surpasses all expectations I mean in everything, across the board.
Enter M.E. Montgomerey, my neighbor across the street here in Waring. Sometimes a name says it all. This is not one of those cases. Just this morning, prompted by sounds of drills and banging and an assortment of other noises, I walked across the street to see what exactly this man was working on. As it turns out, he was constructing some sort of homemade wireless internet tower with three men I’ve never met before. Imagine Kramer from Seinfeld only dangerously intelligent.
The following is a list of several things you should know about M.E. Montgomery:
-He has a plan for bringing about the demise of the entire Democratic Party before the 2008 Presidential Election. He claims it will only take one phone call.
-He names his chickens adjectives so that their names are easier to remember.
-He lives in the old Waring Train Depot, which he converted into a dilapidating old Train Depot.
-He once got kicked in the face by a deer.
-He is known in South Padre Island, Texas as “The Man Who Whipped Wendell”
-He has everything. He once told me: “Whatever you need, I have one…maybe two.”
-He smoked a lot of pot when younger “in a stairwell in New York City.”
-He learns five new words every day and writes them all in a notebook. Several days ago he taught me the word “motte.”
-He once helped construct the bathroom in the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
-He is in the Guiness Book of World Records for the Millerpede, a sand structure over 10,000 feet long that he and his best friend Amazing Walter organized the construction of.
-He claims to be able to track down anything in the world in three phone calls or less
-He is listed in the phone book under “Wheebie” the name of his deceased cat, a masochistic creature who derived pleasure from being whalloped with a fly swatter
All this being said, please understand I have not even scratched the surface with this guy. There is much much more to come. My next M.E. Montgomery installment will be about his life as a professional sand castle builder with Amazing Walter.
Until then, that’s the story of my life…
posted by Winston A. Hall at 10:38 AM
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