Blogger Battles Sloth, Edit/Copies/Pastes Archived Writings

Waring, TX - Okay. So I don't feel like thinking this morning. I don't have to because my 24th birthday is tomorrow. Instead, I have resorted to tracking down things I wrote a little over three years ago that were published in the Angelo State Rampage. This particular column won several awards including a first prize for humor from the Texas Intercollegiate Press Association. It was a crowning achievement. It also snagged a Pulitzer Prize and the Nobel Prize for Peace. (I have the trophy sitting on my mantle as we speak.)



And He'll Have Pun, Pun, Pun... 'Till the Editor Takes his Keyboard Away
Winston A. Hall
October 23, 2002

Numerous people say it would be Harvard me to cram a ridiculous amount of puns into one column about college life. They are perfectly okay in thinking this but, UC I disagree. I strive to Rice above the rest in this regard.

College is basically comprised of four stages: making friends, expanding your knowledge, broadening your horizons and eventually graduation. (Graduation is perhaps the most important stage of college.) College, as strange as this may sound, may even help you decide what you want to do in life.

Sometimes, people miss out simply because they aren't willing to beer down and try challenging classes. Usually they just wine about how tough school seems. Amazingly, these classes are often the most rewarding.

For example, many people don't take photography because they think it will be too hard or time consuming. Give it a try! I shutter at the thought of students who think negatively about photography just because they've never been exposed to its depth and rewards. But most people who have taken photography find it as a useful hobby applicable to every aspect of life. Undoubtedly, photography professors would be willing to help you develop a similar point of view.

Similarly, some people think anatomy is a waist of time. But this is not the case. Anatomy arms you with the tools to succeed in fields related to the human body. Butt, despite this truth, people continue to avoid the class. If you plan to be a nurse or doctor, anatomy is only the first leg of the race. Tackling anatomy early will put you head and shoulders above the rest. And, in case you were eyeing a degree without anatomy, forget it. This will only set you back. We know making the grade can be hairy, but once you're out in the career field, you will be better off. So don't be ass-inine.

Just take the class.

Of course (this is a pun too), let's not forget history. Actually, let's do. I have already past this class.

Equally as important as the previous three subjects is math. Math does nothing but add to the well-roundedness we all strive for in college. Additionally, knowledge of math will open multiple avenues for increased financial dividends. But more important reasons can be defined for taking math. The common denominator in all people is that the capability to do math is a must. Otherwise, in a world that revolves around numbers, you won't be able to function.

Estoy escribiendo. You need to know another language. What this translates into is taking a foreign language class while in college.

Another class you should look into is music. ASU offers a number of music classes that go Bach to the bass-ics, teaching you everything you need to know about music. It is important to note, however, that many of the classes are reserved for those majoring in music, somewhat of a minor detail, but important nonetheless. Citing this, it is crucial that you refrain from signing up for every class. This would only cause treble. However, introductory classes are available for people who just want to learn. Perhaps this is the key to appreciating music-the willingness to learn.

And choir! If you haven't taken choir, let me voice my opinion. You will be better off for doing it.

If you are willing to canvas the school for enriching programs, you will find art. Art is something you definitely want to pencil into your schedule. Art has been appreciated for thousands of years, a pattern easily traced through history. Some people attend class not having an inkling as to what they will study, only to end up falling in love with the class. Why art is so important, to the non-artist, is sketchy. But those who have taken the class will agree: art is the perfect model for engaging classes at ASU.

And lastly, the classes that invoke perhaps more thought than any other classes around: science. The only reason I truly wanted to go to science class as a freshman was because there was a beautiful woman in my class. I guess I am like every other guy in this regard. I just really wanted to meter.

But seriously, science is the crown Joule of all the subjects. Most of us are inclined to sidestep astronomy or physics, but the reality of it is that you will learn more about the universe and yourself in these classes than anywhere else. ASU's science professors offer a solid curriculum and their interaction and availability is a force to be reckoned with.

"Watt next?" you ask....

Just some words of advice from a famous author: "Let us love nobly, and live, and add again years and years unto years." Remember, this is easily Donne.

That's about all. By now, you should consider yourself a pundit. Count the number of puns in this column and submit your guess to the Ram Page. Please do not include the puns contained in the title. Excessiveness of this nature would just be punning the joke into the ground. (For those of you who aren't gagging by now, the title of our newspaper is actually a pun as well.) Whoever has the closest number will win something.

That's the story of my life...