Firefighters Fight Lactic Acid Flare-up in Pectal Region
With the new year I have begun, like 239.7 million other Americans, working out. The reasoning is simple: routine exercise encourages discipline which encourages phyical and mental well-being. Easy, right?
I have a time tested workout routine which I have condensed into seven simple steps.
#1 Place an Eminem CD in the CD player. Eminem is angry at the world, his mother, white male politicians over 40, and his wife Kim, and the music industry. This angst tends to come across in his lyrics. Because he is angry, his music sounds angry and then it entices you to become mad at your own laziness, which translates into a frantic, hate-filled workout session.
#2 Wear clothes that horribly emphasize any part of you that sags, wobbles, bounces, or shifts in any unnatural tendency. (Remember, you were created in the image of God.)
#3 Get a tattoo - for one simple reason. You look tough and that makes you automatically a little more in shape.
#4 Sit ups. I did just a few of these the other day and my stomach is so sore that when I sneezed I accidentally did a jumping jack.
#5 Pushups. These are good for pectoral and arm workouts. Do these until that blod clot in your forehead dislodges itself.
#6 Jump rope. Jumping rope is an excellent cardiovascular workout. Cardiovascular is a combination of two latin phrases. Cardio- which means "breath so hard" and vascular- which means "that you dry heave uncontrollably." Jump rope also makes your calves sore. Today I received special attention at three places of business simply because of the way my sore calves made me walk. (As a side note, a rancher friend of mine put his baby cows on a plane and it made his calves soar.)
#7 Lastly, you want to drink plenty of water. Water is vital to the function of your muscles and most major organs. Doctors recommend drinking about eight glasses of water a day (more if you are working out.) Water can also kill you. Most doctors will not tell you this. Drinking 500 glasses of water at once will kill you. Scientists and emergency personel call this "drowning." So, as you work out, be sure to strike a delicate balance between the two extremes water offers.
Hopefully these tips will help you as they have me. I am so sore I can't blink without feeling it in some extremity. But, I will persevere until I am buff or dead-whichever come first.
That's the story of my life...
I have a time tested workout routine which I have condensed into seven simple steps.
#1 Place an Eminem CD in the CD player. Eminem is angry at the world, his mother, white male politicians over 40, and his wife Kim, and the music industry. This angst tends to come across in his lyrics. Because he is angry, his music sounds angry and then it entices you to become mad at your own laziness, which translates into a frantic, hate-filled workout session.
#2 Wear clothes that horribly emphasize any part of you that sags, wobbles, bounces, or shifts in any unnatural tendency. (Remember, you were created in the image of God.)
#3 Get a tattoo - for one simple reason. You look tough and that makes you automatically a little more in shape.
#4 Sit ups. I did just a few of these the other day and my stomach is so sore that when I sneezed I accidentally did a jumping jack.
#5 Pushups. These are good for pectoral and arm workouts. Do these until that blod clot in your forehead dislodges itself.
#6 Jump rope. Jumping rope is an excellent cardiovascular workout. Cardiovascular is a combination of two latin phrases. Cardio- which means "breath so hard" and vascular- which means "that you dry heave uncontrollably." Jump rope also makes your calves sore. Today I received special attention at three places of business simply because of the way my sore calves made me walk. (As a side note, a rancher friend of mine put his baby cows on a plane and it made his calves soar.)
#7 Lastly, you want to drink plenty of water. Water is vital to the function of your muscles and most major organs. Doctors recommend drinking about eight glasses of water a day (more if you are working out.) Water can also kill you. Most doctors will not tell you this. Drinking 500 glasses of water at once will kill you. Scientists and emergency personel call this "drowning." So, as you work out, be sure to strike a delicate balance between the two extremes water offers.
Hopefully these tips will help you as they have me. I am so sore I can't blink without feeling it in some extremity. But, I will persevere until I am buff or dead-whichever come first.
That's the story of my life...
posted by Winston A. Hall at 5:23 PM
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