Writer Shares Birthday with 16,438,356 Other People, Still Manages to Feel Significant
Waring, TX - On Sunday, February 19, I celebrated 24 years upon this Earth. As my good friend Sarah worded it, I am now "halfway between high school and thirty." I celebrated with my dad and two sisters at the J Y Herd Steakhouse in Junction, Texas. (Meeting place.)
I was disheartened halfway through the celebration when an eight year old came in to celebrate her birthday as well.
Her family outdid mine with a gaudy, tastelessly ornamented table setting of girly colored trinkets and shiny things. My family provided me with a peanut butter pie. The little girl's family did not, although she did have a smorgasboard of things smathered with icing.
I wanted to arrogantly point out that my birthday was a multiple of her birthday (three times no less) but decided against it.
I would like to thank the good folks of the JY Herd Steakhouse for their hospitality despite the icy, cold weather. Our waitress, Arlene, even went to the extra mile by putting out the salad bar thirty minutes early just for my entourage. You don't find that kind of service in the big city.
As I have observed before, 6 billion people call this world home and there are only 365 days in the year, so its a safe bet to say that we all share our birthdays with roughly 16.4 million other people. Luckily, most of them are in China so we will never meet them. We will only wear the shoes or clothes they made.
Anyway, I am planning on living to 104 years of age so I am 23 percent of the way there. I am going to have to do all I've done three more times. Only then I can die.
In case you were wondering, I very conventiently stumbled across a list of The Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Turning Twenty Four:
10. Look at a clock face and say: "Hey! The number of hours in a day and the years of my life are numerically equivalent!"
9. Buy a case of beer and drink one for each year of your life.
8. Sue the hit television series "24" because they infringed on your trademark.
7. Streak down mainstreet of your hometown because you are officially "old enough to know better but still too young to care."
6. Call your insurance company and tell them you are one year out from the 25 year old discount and are really looking forward to it...jerks.
5. Do a swan dive into the cake.
4. Two words: fog machine.
3. Be thankful because nobody likes you when you're 23.
2. Tell your employer the best part about turning 24 is "being able to finally play the Big People Game."
And the Number One way to celebrate turning 24 is...
1. Voting in your sixth election!
That's the story of my life...
I was disheartened halfway through the celebration when an eight year old came in to celebrate her birthday as well.
Her family outdid mine with a gaudy, tastelessly ornamented table setting of girly colored trinkets and shiny things. My family provided me with a peanut butter pie. The little girl's family did not, although she did have a smorgasboard of things smathered with icing.
I wanted to arrogantly point out that my birthday was a multiple of her birthday (three times no less) but decided against it.
I would like to thank the good folks of the JY Herd Steakhouse for their hospitality despite the icy, cold weather. Our waitress, Arlene, even went to the extra mile by putting out the salad bar thirty minutes early just for my entourage. You don't find that kind of service in the big city.
As I have observed before, 6 billion people call this world home and there are only 365 days in the year, so its a safe bet to say that we all share our birthdays with roughly 16.4 million other people. Luckily, most of them are in China so we will never meet them. We will only wear the shoes or clothes they made.
Anyway, I am planning on living to 104 years of age so I am 23 percent of the way there. I am going to have to do all I've done three more times. Only then I can die.
In case you were wondering, I very conventiently stumbled across a list of The Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Turning Twenty Four:
10. Look at a clock face and say: "Hey! The number of hours in a day and the years of my life are numerically equivalent!"
9. Buy a case of beer and drink one for each year of your life.
8. Sue the hit television series "24" because they infringed on your trademark.
7. Streak down mainstreet of your hometown because you are officially "old enough to know better but still too young to care."
6. Call your insurance company and tell them you are one year out from the 25 year old discount and are really looking forward to it...jerks.
5. Do a swan dive into the cake.
4. Two words: fog machine.
3. Be thankful because nobody likes you when you're 23.
2. Tell your employer the best part about turning 24 is "being able to finally play the Big People Game."
And the Number One way to celebrate turning 24 is...
1. Voting in your sixth election!
That's the story of my life...
posted by Winston A. Hall at 10:48 AM
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