This is a snapshot of the woman who harrased me at McBee's Barbecue. I surrepticiously snapped this photo with a throwaway camera as I ran out the door.  

Marketing Rep Faces Sexual Harrassment, Barbecue

WARNING: The following story contains quasi-sexually sensitive material. If you are under the age of 18 DO NOT KEEP READING despite the fact that by saying that I have completely piqued your curiousity and you will probably keep reading soley because I said not too...sheesh.

Hondo, TX- As many of you know, I have a job working with small water mitigation company here in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. I market for this wonderful little company called Servpro and it requires me to drive all over the Hill Country visiting insurance agents. Because of my extensive travel, I know where every good place to eat (and conversely, where every good place is to use the bathroom.)

On one recent to trip to Hondo, Texas (pop. 8,000) I stopped at a very well known eatery called McBee's Barbecue. After I had ordered, received my food and found a seat I began to take the first bite. As I did, I realized one of the women who had previously been standing behind the counter was now standing at my table. (Bear in mind I was alone.) With the fork of potato salad still dangling halfway to my mouth, the quite rotund woman asked me if I like making enchiladas.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked.

"Do you like making enchiladas?" she repeated.

"I don't really cook, ever," I said.

"You see," she continued confidently, "my friend over there behind the counter wants to expand her horizons."

I stared back in blank disbelief. She wanted to know if I liked "making enchiladas." Never have two quotations marks made such a drastic, astronomical difference in the meaning of a sentence. I stuttered and stammered and then did as any smart man would do after being offered a menagilada from a terribly unnatractive overweight hispanic woman: I changed the subject.

"Where do you get all those clever pick up lines?" I quipped.

"Barry White," she answered stoicly. "And Tom Jones." She continued.
"I am not French but I am good at doing some French things."

I could bear no more so I did what any self respecting man would have done. I ignored her. Unfortunately that tactic worked as well as it does with major medical problems: she did not go away. After a series of half hearted replies to more of her questioning she returnd to her post behind that counter because more customers came in. Before she left, she called me "coconut."
Needless to say, I will never eat another coconut. Nor look at them or make reference to them for any reason.

While she was distracted, I consumed the plate of barbecue faster than any plate of barbecue has ever been eaten. I ran out the door making sure to avoid contact with her and vowed to never return.

The funniest part of this story, which I found out later from one of my insurance friends, is that the woman was named...get this: Le Robbie. Le Robbie. I had been hit on and offered "enchilada making" by a woman named "Le Robbie." What can I say? It was "le gross." That's le all for le now.

That's the story of my life...

Chicken Co-op Ends in Tragedy

Waring, TX- In a dramatic and tragic twist, Chicken Co-op founding member and rooster The Colonel was shot to death outside his Waring home late last week. According to offical statements, the Colonel was killed with two shots by a .22 caliber rifle allegedly fired by the chicken's neighbor M.E. Montgomerey. In a sworn affidavit Montgomerey confessed to the murder because " [Hall's] rooster was pestering mine."

According to witnesses, Montgomerey had warned Hall repeatedly that he would kill The Colonel were the Colonel not to end his trips across the street.

In an offical statement, Chicken Co-op Founder and CEO Winston Hall stated "We are deeply saddened by this past week's events and desire only to move forward, gather the pieces, and look to the future."

The Colonel's death spells hard times for the once successful Chicken Co-op, who reported record third quarter earnings last year. The Colonel at his death constituted 100 percent of the fragile company's chicken inventory.

Hall buried The Colonel with full military honors next to his beloved Chicken Co-op coop. He also received a 21 gun salute.
Officials tell us at the Whimsical World that all charges will be dropped on Montgomerey "since after all, for cripes sake, it was just a rooster."