Funny Farm Goes Off Deep End, Neighbors Plan Intervention
Waring, TX - Okay, people. As you may have read earlier, I recently struck a deal with my neighbor Smitty who needed a place to house his three goats and pony for a while. The deal was formally agreed upon and last Saturday, I awoke to the sounds of violent bleating only to peek out my window and find Smitty and his two grandchildren unloading the trailer of goats and dumping them in my front yard. Later, in all seriousness, the children rode the pony over and dropped it off in my yard.
At first the herd was standoffish, refusing even to mingle with the animals I already had (Hart, Girl, Aldo, and Willamina). For a good week, they did not mingle. Gradually, Willamina started to mingle with the three goats. (I think it had something to do with the fact that I pulled her aside and explained to her that she was a goat.) In due time, it became apparent my yard had split into two very distinct groups. Group number one I will call The Domesticates. These are the animals that I invite into the house. Groups number two is The Lawnmowers, those being the animals that under no circumstance are allowed in the house.
Group number two is wreaking havoc on my yard. First I discovered the pony, named Tara, was eating all of the dog food out of the dog bowl. The dogs were understandably incensed. The goats, Bobby, Cruella, Janet and Willamina, are really bad about breaking things. Whatever they don't eat, they break. Already a wooden table, a coffee mug, and some lattice. Also, in case you don't know, goats will stand on anything...arbitrarily. Just yesterday Janet flat-footed it right on top of the doghouse. Carl Lewis would have been proud. The dogs were incensed.
In addition to that nonsense, I also now have a hen and six chicks in the mix. It's quite interesting nowadays at the funny farm. In fact, several times already I have seen several of my neighbors drive by, stop the car, back up slowly and take a second look.
I guess I would too.
Luckily, the sectarian violence has subsided and The Domesticates seem to be co-existing with The Lawnmowers quite nicely. I will continue to update you on the animal situation as events warrant.
That's the story of my life...
At first the herd was standoffish, refusing even to mingle with the animals I already had (Hart, Girl, Aldo, and Willamina). For a good week, they did not mingle. Gradually, Willamina started to mingle with the three goats. (I think it had something to do with the fact that I pulled her aside and explained to her that she was a goat.) In due time, it became apparent my yard had split into two very distinct groups. Group number one I will call The Domesticates. These are the animals that I invite into the house. Groups number two is The Lawnmowers, those being the animals that under no circumstance are allowed in the house.
Group number two is wreaking havoc on my yard. First I discovered the pony, named Tara, was eating all of the dog food out of the dog bowl. The dogs were understandably incensed. The goats, Bobby, Cruella, Janet and Willamina, are really bad about breaking things. Whatever they don't eat, they break. Already a wooden table, a coffee mug, and some lattice. Also, in case you don't know, goats will stand on anything...arbitrarily. Just yesterday Janet flat-footed it right on top of the doghouse. Carl Lewis would have been proud. The dogs were incensed.
In addition to that nonsense, I also now have a hen and six chicks in the mix. It's quite interesting nowadays at the funny farm. In fact, several times already I have seen several of my neighbors drive by, stop the car, back up slowly and take a second look.
I guess I would too.
Luckily, the sectarian violence has subsided and The Domesticates seem to be co-existing with The Lawnmowers quite nicely. I will continue to update you on the animal situation as events warrant.
That's the story of my life...
posted by Winston A. Hall at 10:59 AM
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