Country Bumpkin Rubs Elbows With Stars, Runs Low on Elbow Grease

Franklin, TN - As I mentioned in my previous post, a lot of stars call this town home. When you grow up in small town Texas, country stars might as well be little moon men because you never see them and if you do its on stage somewhere, way off in the distance. Franklin is an anomaly in this regard. There are famous people everywhere.

One of the first days I was here Jonathan and I crossed paths with none other than Alan Jackson in downtown Franklin. We were all headed into Starbucks together. The only thing I said to him was "excuse me" because I was standing in his way when he tried to leave. He is a tall man and sadly, has the walk of a giant ape. I'm serious. He is not a graceful man.

Another example of the daily barrage of stars here is when I passed by the courthouse yesterday. The Franklin courthouse is small and so I was quite surprised when I rounded a corner and found a rampart of news crews and camera men and all the obligatory microphones and lights. As I walked by one reporter I heard him speaking about what else but Sara Evan's divorce proceedings. Apparently, she lives here too and was inside the courthouse when I walked by.

I even found out that one of the keyboardists at the Methodist Church here (who I will be playing with Sunday) has played with the likes of Johnny Cash, Alabama, and many others. (www.davidhoffner.com). The standard of everything here is just so much higher, I suppose.

What's funny about the fame thing here is that all of us non-famous people know at any second you can cross paths with someone who is famous. I like to toy with people's minds by doing things only famous people do. For instance, when I go into a store or restaurant, just to pique people's curiousity, I leave my sunglasses on the whole time and act like I don't want to be there. I actually do get glances. New favorite past time!!

What I have come to appreciate here is that famous people are in fact just people, who use the bathroom, shop, drive cars, have bad hair days, and need to eat and buy toilet paper. Who knew, right? Stay tuned for more updates on star sightings in here beautiful Franklin.

That's the story of my life...

Adventures in Pleasantville, Blogger Explores Bizarre Utopian Society

Franklin, TN- I apologize first and foremost for the delay in posting. My bad. This season of life finds me in Middle Tennessee on yet another adventure. I am here in Franklin south of Nashville. The reasons I am here are plentiful so I will spare you the details. But as usual it has been quite the adventure. I am here with my good friend Jonathan Avitia working on some building opportunities and we have been perplexed at the absolute Pleasantville-ness of this town.

Franklin (pop. 52,000) is beautiful and it is not hard to miss the beautiful people here. Jonathan and I did a very unscientific study that determined that 62 percent of all women here ages 20-25 are attractive. Additionally, they are all rich, which makes for a good combination. To further the Pleasantville theory, the people here are obsessively friendly. Case in point a sign on a telephone pole that said "found: 35 mm digital camera. Please call 555-5555." I have yet to encounter anyone the least bit not friendly.

Three days ago we discovered the Franklin Athletic Club. For a mere $29.99 a month you can partake in a health club with plasma screen tv's on every treadmill, a basketball court, a resident massage therapist, a smoothie bar, and most importantly, a cardio theater. That's right. The building was once a movie theater and you can still bike or jog while watching a movie on a life size movie screen in a movie theater. If that's not enough, some of the gym's clientele include world-famous supermodel Niki Taylor and American Idol star Carrie Underwood.

Hello Pleasantville.

I have yet to see a single piece of litter here. All the women are beautiful. We discovered the Perfect Beer downtown ($8 a bottle). Every street is tree lined. And every one of those trees was in perfect fall color when I arrived.

Understandably, I am still trying to process all of this but I will certainly share more as I gain a better grasp of what life is like here in Pleasantville, Tennessee.

That's the story of my life...

Stardate 2006: Van Buren to Nashville

Editor's Note: This is the final posting on a trip I took last month.

Nashville, Tennessee- I left Van Buren before the sun came up. I make it a point when in Arkansas to be there as little as possible while the sun is up. I drove straight through, not stopping even to get gas. I made a very poor decision to get gas in Memphis, just across the Tennessee border. As it turns out, there are not any gas stations in Memphis. Well, I exaggerate a little but not really. I finally found a gas station in the poorest, nastiest part of Memphis.

At this point I needed to use the restroom quite bad and my bladder was starting to talk back so I tried to use the mens' restroom in the back of the ghetto gas station: locked. (And by locked I mean someone had pried the handle off.) So I went in the women's only to find the area in front of the toilet was obstructed by none other than...a lawnmower.

Memphis is sooooooo weird.

I left as fast as I could deeming Memphis as "STUPID" and vowing to never go back, ever. I rolled into Nashville later than day, delivered the furniture and dropped off Bobby the Budget Rental Truck back at his place of business. The next day I missed my early flight so I bummed around Nashville for a day, only to find the Vanderbilt campus and surrounding area was in a quagmire because President Bush just happened to be in town!

Then I made the biggest mistake of my trip: I hailed a cab. Actually, a nice, weird lady hailed me cab from a bar on 16th Avenue.

The trip took extra long because, apparently, when you are President, they close streets for you.
The couple driving the van seemed normal at first but about halway through the trip the woman in the front seat (who was not the least bit attractive) explained to me that it was a "full service cab."

Now I'm not sure why this stuff always happens to me (*see "making enchiladas" in previous post). Anyway, the lady then explained to me in detail everything they offer. At the airport she told me when I come back to visit that I should give her a call.

"We will do anything," she qualified, "but if you just want a cab ride we can do that too."

Egh.

As if that wasn't odd enough, my plane sat on the tarmac for an extra ten minutes waiting for, of all things, Air Force One to rumble by...which it did. If you have never seen it in person it is a HUGE...MONSTROUS plane.

Anyway, I flew home to San Antonio that night. Yet again, a crazy adventure and an even better story.

That's the story of my life...

Mie reeley badd day

wering, texus- hi. my name iz Hart. I am winstuns gnu puppee. He iz reeley bisy so i told hem i wood rite his blawg 4 hem. butt the thing iz i am not vary goot at typeeng yut. i nneed 2 praktis a lawt.

aneeway, muunday i wok up at lik 4 oclok thirdy lik i allways doo in tha morneeng. + i saw this blak kord and i wunted to not byt it beekus winstun always yales at mee wen i doo butt it wuz just thare and i wunted too byt it reeel badd so i did and than this bigg hevy thang fell WAM! on my hed and i wuz like ow! itt hurd reeley reeley badd.

winstun wuz lik 'hart dont cheew on the irun kord so i gess that thing that felll on my hed iz cawled an irun. it wuz bigg and hevy and it hurd reeely badd.

aneeway, i gott all eggzited afterr that bekuz winstun startud th truk witch meens we r goonn go sumwhere . so i loded up in the bak and we drov 2 the vett!! yeh!! i wuz lik BUMMMERR! so winstun left mee ther sorree basturd and they gav mee som medusin and i tewk a reeley lawng napp and wen i woke up...git this...MI BALLS WUR GAWN! I luked all ovur 4 them butt thay wer noware too bee fownd.

wut a day! that nite i cooldnet beleeve wut a crazee day it had ben. betwin the irun on mi hed and mi bawls fawlen awf it wuz all moist 2 much too handul.

aneeway mi paws r tirud soo i am stawpeeng of th typeeng now. i wil rite a blawg ladur eef winstun letts mi.

thet's th storee uf mi lif...