Funny Farm to Change Name, Hall Vows Bigger Profits

Waring, TX - In a stunning move, The Funny Farm CEO Winston A. Hall announced Thursday that The Funny Farm, Inc., an international business juggernaut, will be changing its name to El Ranch Divertido, Inc. as of noon Friday. The move comes after Hall resurrected The Chicken Cooperative late last month.

"Basically, with the resurrection of The Chicken Co-op, the growth of the Funny Farm, and the world's burgeoning farm market, we wanted to go with a name more indicative of our international market, so we decided on a name change. Our official title will now be El Rancho Divertido, Incorporated, " Hall said.

In addition, The Funny Farm will change its now world-renown logo.

"It used to a be just a goat," Hall said. Now its a goat wearing a sombrero with a chicken standing on its back."

Hall's announcement comes amidst of a flood of major Wall Street mergers. According to Berkshire-Hathaway CEO Warren Buffet, Hall's move may prove to be smart.

"I remember when Winston Hall and I were in college together," Buffet said. "Even then, when he changed his name from Pubert Ginwright to Winston Hall I knew he really liked changing the names of things. I guess you just can't keep a duck from quacking..of course I mean that as a sort of metaphor in that Mr. Hall is like a duck and the ways he changes names arbitrarily is like a duck quacking. You know...its just what he does. It's who he is and there's no sense in trying to stop him."

The Funny Farm recorded record third quarter profits but Hall vows with the name change, even higher record earnings.

"Last quarter we showed $495 billion in profits," Hall said. "This quarter we're shooting for a solid $1 ska-jillion because that seems like a good, round number. I think its doable."

Name changes are not cheap, according to a recent study by Hoober and Jones Research firm. With a company like The Funny Farm signage alone can cost $50 billion dollars. But that does not seem to bother Hall.

"What can I say? I am a risk taker and in the end, I believe it will be well worth it."

That's the story of my life...

Funny Farm Goes Off Deep End, Neighbors Plan Intervention

Waring, TX - Okay, people. As you may have read earlier, I recently struck a deal with my neighbor Smitty who needed a place to house his three goats and pony for a while. The deal was formally agreed upon and last Saturday, I awoke to the sounds of violent bleating only to peek out my window and find Smitty and his two grandchildren unloading the trailer of goats and dumping them in my front yard. Later, in all seriousness, the children rode the pony over and dropped it off in my yard.

At first the herd was standoffish, refusing even to mingle with the animals I already had (Hart, Girl, Aldo, and Willamina). For a good week, they did not mingle. Gradually, Willamina started to mingle with the three goats. (I think it had something to do with the fact that I pulled her aside and explained to her that she was a goat.) In due time, it became apparent my yard had split into two very distinct groups. Group number one I will call The Domesticates. These are the animals that I invite into the house. Groups number two is The Lawnmowers, those being the animals that under no circumstance are allowed in the house.

Group number two is wreaking havoc on my yard. First I discovered the pony, named Tara, was eating all of the dog food out of the dog bowl. The dogs were understandably incensed. The goats, Bobby, Cruella, Janet and Willamina, are really bad about breaking things. Whatever they don't eat, they break. Already a wooden table, a coffee mug, and some lattice. Also, in case you don't know, goats will stand on anything...arbitrarily. Just yesterday Janet flat-footed it right on top of the doghouse. Carl Lewis would have been proud. The dogs were incensed.

In addition to that nonsense, I also now have a hen and six chicks in the mix. It's quite interesting nowadays at the funny farm. In fact, several times already I have seen several of my neighbors drive by, stop the car, back up slowly and take a second look.

I guess I would too.

Luckily, the sectarian violence has subsided and The Domesticates seem to be co-existing with The Lawnmowers quite nicely. I will continue to update you on the animal situation as events warrant.

That's the story of my life...

Flawed Hammock Pummels Hapless Victim, Pride, Lower Back Both Wounded

Waring, TX- Last night, as a result of my contemplative mood and appropriate weather, I retreated to my hammock which is nestled nicely between two oak trees in my backyard here in the beautiful Hill Country hamlet of Waring. From its location, the hammock offers a moonlit place to bask in the peace of it all and gaze at the stars as they twinkle betwixt (betwixt?) the leaves of the oak trees. Nearby are six palm trees that dance and sway in the soft, Texas summer breeze. To top off the novelty of it all, a nice pipe tobacco cigar hit the spot.

It was perfect. As I sat, I pondered Lost Love, The Future, Possibilty and Hope. I thought of good things, great things--things that gave me peace and hope and wrested all unpleasantries from my heart. I watched in the distance as my three new goats settled beneath a tree for a night's sleep. In other words, that spot and that moment are the exact reason I live in a town like Waring. It was, by no exaggeration, perfect.

Then it happened. I heard a very dramatic pop...not as dramatic as a bone fracturing or a cable car cable popping, but equally as surprising. Within a millisecond of the "pop" I felt a certain sensation, as though perhaps I was dropping downward...fast. This turned out to be the actual case. The supporting rope, which I foolishly had not inspected since last summer, had snapped right where the hammock connected to the tree on the end nearest my head. I fell the three feet or so I was off the ground and landed, feet still suspended with a breath-taking whump.

It took several seconds for me to comprehend what had just happened. My stogie still in hand, the smoke still drifting upward toward the moonlight, I simply stayed on the ground. My feet were still awkwardly suspended on the end of the hammock which hadn't fallen. My two dogs stared at me awkwardly. They did not understand what their human was doing...idiot.

The fall hurt. I landed square on my back. Luckily, I did have the foresight to remove the pile of rotting boards and rusty nails from under the hammock last year. (Thank God.) I rolled over and rose to my feet, my innocence and otherwise unsullied evening completely, irreversibly shattered.

And my back itched like crazy.

I went inside and left that hammock still swaying in the Hill Country breeze. Perhaps I will fix it tomorrow.

That's the story of my life...

Funny Farm On Verge of Expansion, Wall Street Braces for Best Week Ever, Ever

Waring, TX- In a stunning announcement yesterday, the CEO of The Funny Farm, Inc., Winston A. Hall announced a giant expansion of the fledgling company's livestock program. According to Hall, The Funny Farm is exploring the possibility of acquiring three goats and two horses from the Smith Ranch, located on a large .7 acre spread appoximately one block from The Funny Farm. Hall clarified that the animals would most likely reside at The Funny Farm on a "loaned basis."

According to Smitty Smith, the proprietor of the Smith Ranch, a severe shorage of grass caused him to look into the possibilty of brokering a deal with The Funny Farm.

"Well, those goats of mine done ate everything out if their pen. It's just dirt mostly and I saw the, er, abundance of grass in Mr. Hall's facility and thought hell, I should just let him use my goats for a while," Smith said.

Smith also pointed out that the use of horses should prove more efficient in the upkeep of The Funny Farm's large grass lawn.

"Well, everyone know that horses are grazers, not browsers," Smith said.

The move comes in a series of bold moves by the new CEO Hall, beginning with his arrival two months ago. Hall received national attention when he fired 100 percent of The Funny Farm's employee roster, leaving himself to do every job at The Farm. The move proved smart, citing the company's record profits in recent months. Analysts suggest that Hall's move, which some have labeled as "reckless" should in the end bolster the company, not stretch it too thin. According to Warren Buffet, CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, Hall's move does not come as a surprise to Wall Street.

"By God, that Hall did it again. Just when you think 'what could he think of next?' he comes up with a move like this. Pure genuis!" Buffet said.

Last quarter, The Funny Farm recorded record profits, topping $36 billion, despite a rash of negative publicity due to the escape of one of its goats.

Whimsical World Creator Reveals Contemplative Side, Doubles Size of Blogging Empire

Waring, TX - I know this may come as a disappointment to many of you, but I actually do have a serious side (somewhere near my butt). Just kidding, actually I do have many thoughts and pondering during the course of a day that are much too political for The Whimsical World (and thus divisive and polarizing). I, like many journalists, feel a slight responsibilty to focus on the issues at hand and examine them--investigate them-- and make them digestable for all and at the very least digestable for myself; also, to impugn those with which I disagree, and to stand up for something, fearing not ridicule and belittlement for the cause of what I believe to be right.

It is brand new but I have posted a quote worth reading:

www.essaysonamerica.blogspot.com

If you don't want to see my serious side, avert your eyes now. HA! What I meant was, if you don't want to see my serious side, don't read my other blog. But please DO continue to read The Whimsical World of Winston.

That's the story of my life...