Word of the Day #5

Waring, TX -
Your word of the day for September 29, 2006 is:

argon (verb): 1.) What something is when it is not here.

In a sentence: I wanted to buy a banana but all of them argon.

That's the story of my life...

(Enter Banjo) Da da dang ding dang ding dang ding dang...Blogger Goes Backwoods, Lives to Recount Tale

Gatesville, TX - It seems, in my endless wanderings, that I have the oddball luck of Forrest Gump, but in a bad way. My luck has never made me rich, it has simply given me some good stories. This one ranks up there with some of my best and I can directly atrribute it to the aforementioned luck.

Last week, I found myself in Gatesville, Texas, for what else but my homecoming weekend. Catch up with the old friends, hang out, see the old haunts...you know, just small town homecoming stuff. The game festivities spilled over to the Horseshoe Dance Hall, which spilled over into yet another party. Eventually, I found myself at about 2 a.m. on Friday night in someone's backyard. Off to the side I noticed one Kim Shepherd. Now this girl Kim is two years younger than me. In high school our paths crossed but we rarely if ever spoke. She did at one point date my good friend Casey Maynard. Now Kim is, how do I say, incredibly attractive. Yes, when she was in high school she was cute. But now, years later, she had blossomed into a...er...WOMAN.

At one point she was standing near me so I made the obvious move: I said hi. She turned to me and in a moment of ecstatic recognition said "Winston Hall! I have something I've been wanting to tell you for like THREE years!!"

I stared unsure of what to make of her little statement.

"Yes?" I encouraged.

The next statement out of her mouth was a complete left turn from what I was expecting.

"I think we're related!" she said.

"Uh...I beg your pardon?"

"I think you and I are related!! Isn't that cool?"

"Uh...not really. That would make it exponentially more awkward when we make out later."

She laughed. For once I nailed a joke while hitting on a girl. But, as it turns out, to no avail.

As it turns out, Kim Shepherd is my third cousin. She discovered this at a family reunion in Wichita Kansas several years ago. As best we could tell, her great-grandfather and my great-grandmother were brother and sister. These two were two of twelve children so I probably have 348 other third cousins in America I haven't met yet as well.

But in my hometown?!?!?

Go figure. It turned out to be quite funny. I was calling her cousin by the end of the night. And, truly, I think it's kind of fun to actually have family in my hometown, albeit very distant.

For the record, I did do some research and found it is perfectly acceptable from a legal standpoint to marry your third cousin. The only requirement is that you are able to put the idea out of your head that you are "interacting" with someone who is technically your cousin.

Eeeeegh.

Anyway, all's well that ends well. I told Kim had I known she was my cousin in high school I would have not only been her friend but I would have picked on her as well. But I most likely wouldn't have dated her.

That's the story of my life...

Whimsical World Co-founder Talks Like a Pirate, Finds Lots of Booty

Waring, TX - I feel completely obligated to make you all aware of what today is. September 19 is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. I became aware of this day in college thanks to my good friends Andrew Lovell and Matt Keim. They talk like pirates all the time, but especially today. This national observance gives people everywhere a chance to shiver their timbers, swab their poop decks, avaste their mateys and talk about something besides their job, which they hate. For more information, check out www.talklikeapirate.com!!

That's the story of my life...

Word of the Day #4

Waring, TX - Your word of the day for September 19, 2006 is:

ag·ate (noun) Etymology: Middle French, from Latin achates, from Greek achates

1 : a fine-grained variegated chalcedony having its colors arranged in stripes, blended in clouds, or showing mosslike forms or

2: A hinged device that keeps livestock from escaping a fenced perimeter

In a sentence: "My goats kept escaping so I put up agate."

That's the story of my life...

Stardate 2006: Albaquirky to Van Buren

Editor's Note: This is the continuation of my travel series on a trip I took from Phoenix to Nashville. We pick up the morning I left Alabquirky.

Albaquirky, NM - After arriving in town after two the night before, I found it exceptionally difficult to arise early the next morning. To add to the drama, my eyes were both inexplicably bloodshot..due in part I think to old contanct lenses and long hours. So I wore my sunglasses to breakfast which caught some strange looks. But, honestly I don't know a single soul in Albaquirky so just ignored them and drank several cups of coffee quite fast, snagged a muffin and loaded up in Bobby the Boxcar for the third leg of this journey.

I'm not sure how the taxpayers of New Mexico achieve this, fiscally, but every square mile of every road in New Mexico is under construction at all times. Out of sheer boredeom I started counting the orange construction cones but stopped when I got to 1.7 trillion. In Texas there are miles and miles of nothing but miles and miles, as the saying goes. In New Mexico there are miles and miles of nothing but construction zones. It was one lane here and one lane there..stopped for a while here..stare at the rather bland scenery there.

After what seemed like forever I made it back to the God blessed state of Texas, only 800 miles north of where I started. For probably the only time in my life, I drove across the Texas panhandle from West to East and on into Oklahoma.

Now Oklahoma holds a special place in my heart because both my parents were born there and I still have a passel of cousins and uncles and aunts there. It holds a special place in my heart...albeit a very teeny tiny small special place.

I drove across Oklahoma as fast as I could, stopping briefly to eat dinner with an old friend Micah McKamie in Oklahoma City. There ain't much to see in Oklahoma, really. In fact, the travel and visitors bureau headquarters is in a kiosk in a truck stop in Altus.

I'm kidding. It's got its nice parts.

By late evening I rolled in the beautiful backward state of Arkansas. About an hour in I found a Motel 6 Van Buren and camped for the night. Bobby settled in for a comfortable night of rest and I nestled my head into a rough, not-soft-at-all hotel pillow. Tomorrow would be a big day..the final push into Nashville, and consequently, a push into the most bizarre two days of the trip.

TO BE CONTINUED...

That's the story of my life...

Word of the Day #3

Waring, Tx - Your woyd of the day for Monday, September 11, 2006 is:

Boyd (noun) 1: A winged mammal, the only mammal that grows feathers; they fly in flocks not hoyds; choyps and squawks make them easily hoyd, and, if poyched precariously over your car will not hesitate to drop a large boyd toyd.

In a sentence:

"Wow. Look at that giant boyd!"

That's the story of my life...

Montgomery Does it Again! Film Crew Descends on Waring Residence

Waring, TX - Most of you know, by this point, of the antics of my neighbor and good friend M.E. Montgomery. He's one of these guys who has "done it all" and every time I turn around he's done something new and ridiculous and "off the hook."

Well, he's done it again.

Last week I received a call from Carol Patton (at the General Store.) I was out of town with work at the time and she informed me a commercial crew was in Waring, believe it or not, looking for people to use in a Chevy truck commercial. I assumed it was for the local dealership just down the road. I told Carol I was out of town but thanks for the offer. So, the unassuming little film crew mosied over to M.E.'s depot where they found him piddling on some junk.

Now. M.E. is what I like to call a piddler. He is always piddling. I hear noises of all kinds coming from behind his house at all hours of the day. The sounds are always a result of something having been piddled. (Once when I saw him working on the parabolic dish he used for his internet, I dubbed him Piddler On the Roof.)

Now, this poor crew introduced themselves to M.E. just like every other poor stranger introduces himself to M.E. and immediately they were ensconced in a discussion I'm sure about neo-cons, Flat Earthers, the reproductive cycles of chickens and caterpillar migratory habits, among other things.

The crew needed something tough, they said, so M.E. welded some things for them, which delighted them. They were there for an hour and half and handed M.E. a check for $150.

That is not the part that really depressed me when I heard this story from M.E. just yesterday. What really, really depressed me was when M.E. told me the crew finished filming and then returned to their office...

IN NEW YORK CITY.

You see the film crew was not local, they were national, and the commercial M.E. will be appearing in is a NATIONAL commerical to be filmed during NFL football games all across America. This only further substantiates my theory that if you stay in Waring long enough the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD will pass through.

Further investigation of this theory with Ed Patton turned up others that have passed through Waring: Alan Jackson (filmed a Ford commerical here), Reba McEntire, Emily from the Dixie Chicks (owned a ranch here), Flaco Jiminez, Rob Roy Parnell, and yours truly.

Everybody has been to Waring at some point, including film crews from Chevrolet. The salt in the wound on this one, and I mean wiggling the dagger in my back, is that M.E. will receive compensation for his time, every time the commercial is aired nationwide...not to exceed the amount of $3,000 of course.

I could have paid off all my debts with $3,000. Luckily, I was on the clock at my "real" job making the daily wage of $70. Had I actually been in Waring when the crew rolled through I would be $3,000 richer. Would someone please tell me how a real job is supposed to be a good thing?!?!

Of course, this is not new to Mr. Montgomery. According to a story he told, he was once interviewed by Dan Rather on the CBS news. For what? God only knows. It probably had something to with his days as a profesional sand castle builder, if I had to take a wild guess.

In the meantime, M.E. is laughing all the way to the bank...again. Look for him this fall on a Chevy truck ad near you.

That really is the story of my life...

Word of the Day #2

Waring, TX - Okee dokee, folks. Time for the next word of the day. Today's Word of the Day is..bum dum de duuuuum:

pandemonium (noun) The twenty-second element on the Periodic Table of Elements, consisting mostly of neutrons. Discovered in 1929 by the Swiss physicist Frederick der Schvaihasuen.

In a sentence: I just spilled some pandemonium on myself and now my skin is melting.

That's the story of my life...

Star Date 2006: Phoenix to Albequeque...Albuqueque... Albiquirkie...Albakirky...Albaquir...New Mexico

Phoenix, Az - I awoke in Phoenix to discover some really beautiful scenery out Bob's back window of his soon-to-be-sold house. Phoenix looks a lot like I imagined. Very deserty. We started the day with a good solid breakfast, just like grandpa always did, and then proceeded to the nearby Budget Truck rental store. We rented a sturdy workhorse of a truck which I promptly named Bobby the Boxcar. I did that of course, in case I wanted to leverage this trip into some sort of children's book series about the lives of adolescent italian mob members, i.e. Bobby the Boxcar "gets his oil changed."

But I digress. We loaded Bobby up in 106 degree temps, which felt like 93 degrees does in Texas. It was warm, but not hot. I then proceeded, at approx. 3:33 p.m., toward the mountains, and into travel lore forever.

My first leg carried my through some amazing scenery: Phoenix to Peyson. If you have never been to northern Arizona I highly encourage it. Bear in mind, that if you are driving a loaded moving van up a 7 percent grade for, oh I don't know six consecutive miles that it could, hypothetically overheat..several times, possibly. But these are minor details really when you consider the amazing scenery.

One hundred miles and three hours later found me in the High Country of Arizona which was mind bogglingly beautiful. One word of warning: in Arizona the idiots that mark the highways DO NOT LABEL right turn lanes as such. They look amazing like any regular old lane in which moving vans can pull over for people to pass. Not that this is a problem, but when the road ends unexpectedly in the dark, in does a number on your nerves.

Luckily, I had quit shaking by the time I reached New Mexico. I topped a hill late late that night to find beautiful Albuquerque, nestled in the foothills and a welcomed twinkling sight after the tough day. I stayed at a Best Western which by my calculations was both "western" and "best."

I rested up for the night and prepared for Day Three: a trek across parts of four states..in one day.

TO BE CONTINUED...

That's the story of my life...

Two of the coolest people in Waring: Kelton and Angie Fiedler. Here they pose by a waterfall on the beautiful Guadalupe River. I'm just kidding. This is actually Waimea Falls in Hawaii.  

Waring Cast Signs on for Third Season: Part II

Editor's note: This is the next in our series in which we highlight some of the citizens who make up the wonderful little town of Waring. This week we feature Kelton and Angie Fiedler.

Waring, TX- Experts have calculated that in the last 50 years, 1.5 billion cars have passed through Waring. (These estimates were based on absolutely nothing and have no scientific credibilty whatsoever.) Without hesitiation, I can say Kelton and Angie Fiedler are definitely one of those 1.6 billion. (He lives right in the middle of Waring.)

Kelton, in his 30s, owns his own company. He is known throughout the area as The Dirt Dobber. Let's just say if it can be built, detroyed, welded, or relocated, Kelton is definitely the person you want to call. (Unless any of the previous verbs are being applied to a relationship.)

About a year and half ago, Kelton went to the world famous Steaknite here in Waring (steaknite.com) where he crossed paths with a pretty young thang named Angela. Kelton was smitten and followed Angela around like a besotted puppy. At the first break in the conversation he asked her to marry him...which she did. That was more than a year ago and they are still going strong.

Kelton owns an old international truck which you will see him driving around town alot. It is a convertible and quite the showpiece. (He recently resored the rust to its original burnt orange color...and it looks better than ever!)

Angie is one of the two County Extension Agents here in Kendall County. It was because of her that I gave my first ever motivational speech. I spoke to about 100 people at the Kendall County 4-H banquet...head, heart, hands, health people!!! What an honor! Thanks, Angela.

Kelton and Angie, collectively, represent the best of Waring: young, spirited, humorous, kind, and alive. (Waring used to be known for its large "near death" population years ago.)

Several weeks ago they helped organize a community bird house building symposium in which the citizens gathered on the front stoop of the store to construct birdhouses of all sizes and colors. When the symposium ended (led by Carol Patton) the participants dutifully lined the new birdhouses up and took photos.

This is the point at which Kelton duly noted that we were flooding the aviary real estate market in Waring. Good point. Kelton is a wellspring of knowledge. Last week, he informed me that "the ruminates in my front yard have a stong liking for Chinaberry trees." Like I said...a wellspring.

Needless to say, Kelton and Angie are two of the five and half million reasons that Waring has become such a wonderful chapter of my life. If you ever pass through Waring turn down Fredericksburg Street and drive until it ends. If you drive into the river, you've gone too far. His is the last house on the left...before the river.

Remember, if you need work done, Kelton is the man. Be looking for another profile in the near future!

That's the story of my life...

Star Date 2006: San Antonio to Phoenix

Waring, Tx - Well, as you may have noticed a large gap exists in my posts. I have a very good reason for doing this. You see, I was a on a trip. Now, seeing as internet access was not to be found (save for one truck stop in San Jon, New Mexico) I did not posts anything while on the trip. However, I did take some notes so I will recount my trip day by day starting with day one of course.

This all started when my good friend Jonathan called with an inquiry several weeks ago: would I be willing, for a lump of money, to drive a moving van from Phoenix to Nashville for a friend?

Many of you know me well enough to know my response to this ridiculous question: Uh, duh. Of course I would! I love traveling on other people's money.

I heard nothing more from him until Friday of last week at which point he told me I had to leave on Saturday if I wanted to do it. I got on the horn and made some calles and wa-lah Saturday I found myself in the San Antonio airport preparing for a trip driving roughly 1,700 miles across pretty much a majority chunk of the southern continental United States.

Also, many of you who know me that nothing like a seemingly "normal" trip for me could ever end up as such. Let me just say, by the time this series of story ends, you will be shaking your head much like I was.

Here was the plan:

Day one: Fly from San Antonio to Phoenix.
Day two: Drive.
Day three: Drive a little more.
Day four: Drive farther.
Day five. Fly from Nashville to San Antonio.

So there I was in the San Antonio airport and this is where our day one story begins.

DAY ONE:

I flew from San Antonio to Phoenix and met an informant named "Bob" who supposedly owned the belongings I would be moving. "Bob" was very cordial and drove me to the pickup location, a "house" that him and his "family" used to live "in" while they still resided in "Phoenix." Having had a long day "Bob" and I both retired for the night, me wondering what Day Two would bringing and "Bob" wondering if I could handle such a daunting challenge.

TO BE CONTINUED...

That's the story of my life...

Whimsical World Unveils 'Word of the Day'

Waring, Tx - So I wanted to try something new here at the Whimsical World to at the very least keep myself entertained. (I'm tired of writing about goats.) Therefore, I am unveiling my new Word of the Day Campaign in which, on a completely random basis, post words which I deem as words that you (faithful reader) need to know. So here goes.

WORD OF THE DAY #1-

SUBTERFUGE (noun) A "terfuge" located underneath the ground.

In a sentence: "Wow! Look at that subterfuge!"

Hopefully, as the Words of the Day pile up, you will find your knowledge extrapolating itself grotesquely. (I have no idea what that previous sentence means.) Look for more words in the future!

Sidenote: My computer access is extremely limited at this point due to a number of reasons. Please bear with me and faithfully visit the Whimsical World. Posts will come in volumous chunks more than likely.